It’s been a tough few months for parents. The world is a scary place, and the judgment parents receive for making a mistake is even scarier.

I have been taking a close look at my daughters lately, and a few incidents with one of them made me start thinking that I am worried how she would survive if something bad -something awful – happened to er. Could she get past it?

In today’s world, you need to be more than just strong. You need to be a survivor. And that’s they type of kid I want to raise.

I am up on the site Her View From Home with a new post about changing the way I look at raising my daughters. I know we are all trying to regain some control in this crazy world, and here’s one way I’m getting mine back.

Because as Lena Horne once said, “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”

Raising Kids, Raising Survivors

My 11-year-old daughter walks through the door and crumbles in front of me.

Through waves of tears, she explains she misread the directions on a test and completed an entire section wrong. She received the common-core equivalent of an “F”, and she is devastated.

“Honey, calm down,” I state matter-of-factly, trying to console her. “You have done so well on all your other tests, and your teacher wrote right here that you can fix the problems to jump up to the next grade. It’s not that big of a deal.”

She slows her crying, but her mood doesn’t improve for several hours. This is not the first time I am a bystander in her emotional breakdown. It happens regularly. She loses it when her dad tries to give her advice on soccer or when I tell her to remake her bed. She breaks down when she loses at a board game or when frustrated with a project.

On one hand, it is hard to criticize her. She is a model student and a gifted athlete. She is kind-hearted and helpful, at least when her competitive streak and desire to be perfect doesn’t get the best of her.

But when I watch her in the moments she emotionally disintegrates, when I watch her transition from a strong, confident girl to a blubbering, uncontrollable mess, I worry.

It’s not that I think she will always be this way. I know she will grow out of some of it. And it’s not that I fret that she is immature or overly dramatic. She is a tween right now in the throes of hormones, so I understand the dynamic.

But I do worry about her mental toughness, her ability to make rational decisions in times of trial and tribulation, and in today’s world, you need to be more than just strong. You need to be a survivor.

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